| Cliff Notes courtesy of The Mark Mathu
Party Page. |
Ode To The Avalanche Bar
Lines written in Washington DC a few months after graduation. |
| According
to MapQuest!, it's 798.5 miles
from the White House to the door of the
Avalanche Bar. |
In DC I stand
Too many a mile
From where beer is served cold
With a slide and a smile. |
Instead of loud music
And students without books,
I'm surrounded by lawyers
and political crooks. |
I pay too much money,
And I can't understand,
People here don't socialize
With a beer in each hand. |
| "Blues"
are a reference to Red White and Blue Beer, the cheapest beer money could buy at the
'Lanche. |
Drinks here are imported,
They are premium brews,
But they don't quench my thirst
Like a dozen cold Blues. |
| Rick and Mitch
were the bartenders. |
Rick isn't here
Dressed in tube socks and shorts.
Mitch can't be heard
Lending wise-ass retorts. |
| And of course
Dan was the bouncer (which was added after the drinking age in Wisconsin was raised above
eighteen in 1986). |
I can't find a Dan
Solemnly guarding bar doors,
Kicking punks to the street
Claiming "This ID ain't yours." |
| Spilled
beer remainded on the floor until closing time. Plastic cups were added after smashing
empty beer bottles on the floor was discouraged. |
Where are the foul smells,
Sticky floors, plastic cups?
The bouncers out here
Kick me out if I throw up! |
I long to return
To that greatest of spots
And quaff dirt-cheap beer
And drink hideous shots. |
How long will it be?
What suffers is my condition.
I can imagine myself
In only one quaint position. |
| Of
course, if your elbow was on the bar top, that meant that your elbow was stuck on
the bar top. |
With my elbow on the bar top,
A Blue in my hand,
Watching people stream into
A bar already jammed. |
I'm chugging cold beers
With my friends, and we all
Will continue to drink
Until Rick gives last call. |
| Real
Chili is the greatest late-night bar food in the world, and the cracker fights could get
phenomenal at times. As Blondie the waitress would say, "Mix 'em up good, boys!" |
Then we'll hit after-bars,
Or walk home for the night,
Or go to Real Chili
And start a food-fight. |
But our thoughts will be tuned
To the next time we make haste
To the tavern whose misfits
Don't feel out-of-place. |
I need a night now,
I've too much getting and spending.
A tap has my name;
My sanity's pending. |
| "Red
arrow" is a reference to sign outside of the bar, a huge arrow pointing down at the
door with the letters A V A L A N C H E running
down it. |
This drought must surcease,
Throw miles to the winds,
I can see that red arrow
As it slowly descends |
Taking me to the door
Behind which lies the lair
With the solitary table
And nary a chair. |
My dissonance will end
As I enter the place,
But my liver will purr
At a furious pace. |
The night won't cost much;
This bar's not out for wealth,
But when you enter you
Can't be much concerned about health |
Since the bathrooms aren't clean,
And the air has the smack
Of a billowing dark cloud
From an industrial smoke-stack. |
I will not give two thoughts
To fashion or attire;
My clothes will repel
All the muck and the mire. |
Euphoria will be found,
No face will be dour.
With just a couple of bucks
I'll wile away untold hours |
| * sob * |
With good cheer and fine drink.
Contentment is not far
From a stool near the tap
At the Avalanche Bar. |